In most cases, you can turn the situation around. This is my specialty, what I help people do.
There are two elements to work on. One is internal, your nervous system. The other is external, how you communicate with your boss.
The internal aspect is basically finding tools that allow you to gain more control over your nervous system - to disengage from the anxiety and calm yourself - when interacting with your boss.
The most effective tools are mind/body, so breathing, posture, soothing touch techniques. These are the things that help you regain control over your physiological threat response, so you’re not at the mercy of the other person.
The external aspect, communication, is equally important. Change the way you listen and talk to your boss. Using negotiation techniques, such as those taught by Chris Voss (former FBI hostage negotiator), you can get your boss to respect you more and get them to do what you want, i.e. be a better boss to you.
It’s not always possible to save your job. Sometimes, if you’ve reached a “breaking point,” you can’t recover from it and the only solution is to leave. The earlier you start using these techniques, the more effective they are.
Ultimately, no matter what, these techniques are worth learning because leaving one difficult boss doesn’t guarantee anything for your future. The only thing that matters is your ability to show up calm and confident, with skills to make other people feel understood and skills to get them to empathize with you.
First ask yourself why you feel the need to convince them.
Then ask yourself why they feel the need to believe in God.
Then accept that convincing them is not actually going to make either of your lives better.
If at some point they stop needing to believe in God, they will. If at some point you start needing to believe in God, you will.
There's a story about a soldier who said that when people are about to die, their beliefs switch.
When his military unit went into combat, in a situation in which they thought they were going to die, the religious ones yelled, “There's no good!” while the atheists bowed their heads and start praying.
Our beliefs are necessary for us to live our lives, until they aren’t.
It’s called “cognitive offloading.”
When you write something down, you’re using a piece of paper to store information, which would otherwise be held onto by the brain.
If it’s stored somewhere else (or in someone else’s brain when you tell them about it), you don’t have to remember the actual information anymore. You just have to remember where it’s stored.
Frustration and anxiety are emotions, and emotions are global (brain-wide) evaluations of our level of aliveness.
Negative emotions indicate a decrease in our aliveness (or potential aliveness), and positive emotions indicate an increase.
Emotions themselves only last 90 seconds or so.
What keeps them circulating and replaying is the story we tell ourselves about them. The story triggers the emotions, and the emotions trigger the story.
When you offload the story, the emotion can fade more easily because your brain is not holding on as deeply to all the information related to the emotion.
Dave Wolovsky, MS CAPP
Relationships Coach, answering the internet's questions about all kinds of relationships.